I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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