would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
