Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
