Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
did i walk over a car last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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