Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
