boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders