My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
