btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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