States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
