You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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