So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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