Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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