big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
