Walk of Shame today included voting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
