Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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