You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
