1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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