She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
