He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
