if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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