Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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