Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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