This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
