Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
