I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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