Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
