But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
