sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
