dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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