They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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