Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
