I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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