Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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