The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
