the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
