Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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