Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
