He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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