no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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