don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
