When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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