Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
