I think im going to throw up on grandma
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
