I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
