Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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