Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
