Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
