When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
