Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
