I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
