I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
