cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
