Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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