party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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