why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
