So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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