I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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