I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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