she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
