Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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