you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
