Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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