My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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