Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
