Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
