So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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