I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
MIDGETS
????
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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