It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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