Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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