Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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