i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
