ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
