Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
