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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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