I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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