I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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