You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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