Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
