Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
