mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize
