frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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