i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
