I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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