I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Congratulations! We have a period
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