go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
